Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
