I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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