The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize