i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
