she was so not down for the gang bang
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
