It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
