i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
