Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
its not stalking. its research.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize