I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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