my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
