How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
