After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
