I got chris browned last night
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Bring me that man meat
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
