Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
