what day is it and did you see me today?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
this is an emotional support booty call
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
