i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sarcasm needs its own font
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
