some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
