I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
