She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
