My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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