It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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