it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
id be glad to
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
