Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
