Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
