Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
