TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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