I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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