i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
