WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize