This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize