Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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