i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
