All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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