I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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