Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
