Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
