what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
