Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
