i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
