you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize