if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I deserve this hangover.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
