He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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