Don't you send me to vm
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
