i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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