I cannot find my penis.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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