I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
