Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize