My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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