I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
