Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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