Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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