Kareoke will never be a sober sport
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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