I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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