just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
