dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize