ya dads aren't the best wingmen
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
