I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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