I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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