do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
