I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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