Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
someone threw a dead crab at me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
