i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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