worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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