Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
