is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
