just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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