3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He passed out mid-signature
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize